I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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