i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
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