what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
