you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize