At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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