The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
