he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Im part way to drunk.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
