Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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