FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
