Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
