every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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