...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need moral support for this bender
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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