I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
