I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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