thus making me awesome and them whores
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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