so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
