Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
