New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
