on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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