it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
