We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
