Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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