There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
