my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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