is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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