Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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