there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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