Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
