Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
