And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
