My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
