tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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