Whod you bang
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
