just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
