i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
