I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
