You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
