Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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