It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
