1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
