i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
