If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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