lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
