When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
