I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
