One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
