Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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