i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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