I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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