Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
