I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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