I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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