Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
