btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
