low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
