So drunk its hurt
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
