and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
that may or may not have been my penis.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
