Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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