I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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