He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
