u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Where did you get a picture of my penis
one might say we're banned from that church
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
