i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
