Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
