the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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