haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
