you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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