I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize