I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
