Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
