I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
