glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
