I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
