is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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