I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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