accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
