If that was your dad, he is hot
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
