he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
false alarm. still invincible.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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