i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
