Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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