Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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