You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
