he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
